In contrast to my previous post, today I’m not having a good day, I want to crawl into a hole, I want to be forgotten, and I don’t want to be seen… I should study, that will distract me..

It sucks when you’ve done or made something you’re really proud of, and people only got negative things to say about it.

Some times I can’t take it to see people suffer, because of themselves. I hear lots of people saying that they find themselves ugly, and they bring themselves down. But why would they let such a small thing control their life? Looks are not fucking important. Do you really think it adds any more fun or quality to your life if you looked like the pictures of women/men that are idolized (and highly manipulated) in magazines? Think of the people and friends you’ve met, and all the amazing moments you’ve spend with them. That’s important! Would looking (in your opinion) better have any effect on those great moments? Do you think nobody will love you because of the way you look? That’s the biggest bullshit ever. The smallest things  can make people fall in love, maybe the way you talk, the way you smile, the way you act when you’re nervous. You’re the one who’s making too big of a deal out of your looks.
I get sick of people saying: ‘Why can’t I look like her’ Because everybody’s fucking different that’s why! And that’s what’s so fucking beautiful about humanity. I can get really angry about this. Stop thinking that there’s only one kind of beauty and stop comparing yourself to others, cause that won’t ever make you feel happy, it will only make you feel more insecure, because you’re simply not them! Stop beating yourself up about things you can’t change. Do you want to look back on your life and realize that you’ve been sad all the time because you didn’t look a certain way?  
Embrace yourself, love yourself, accept the way you look. And don’t ever try to change how you look because of others. Everybody has different opinions on what’s beautiful. I think everybody has something beautiful. I think that when someone smiles, he/she is instantly beautiful.

I know that this all sounds a bit harsh and of course it’s not that easy. I’m insecure too some times. There are days that I really feel ugly. But I don’t really care, because it’s not the most important thing. I won’t let it ruin my day. 
I just needed to get my anger out in this post because I hate to see people make themselves suffer, it hurts me. 

This is unbelievable. For Dutch class we had to do a discussion. But that was months ago. We just didn’t get the chance to do it, because sadly one of our team members was sick all the time, or was in hospital ): So many times I had prepared, and then found out it was cancelled again! We talked about it with our teacher and she set a date when we HAVE to do it. Which is April 5th. Which is tomorrow. If someone of our team will be sick tomorrow, we have to have someone who can replace him/her. I’m a bit sick myself, but I just neeeed to go, because I want to do that discussion and not some other replacing assignment… it’s just important. 
But today we saw that the whole lesson is cancelled because our teacher is sick! I just couldn’t believe it. It’s just like some magical high power wants to stop us from doing our discussion. And it’s also stressing, because all our grades have to be filled in before April 17th, otherwise we aren’t allowed to do our exams! I think the school would never let that happen, but I don’t know a solution! 
I hope our teacher isn’t doing too bad, because she has leukaemia, and I really hope she gets well, and gahh I’m afraid ): And maybe it sounds a bit selfish that I’m worrying about the discussion, when she is in bad health, but everything is just stressing me out.

Stay positive, even though everything goes wrong. Don’t let stupid things ruin your day. Don’t let them destroy you. Of course you can be sad or angry, but don’t think about all the unfortunate shit that happens to you the whole day. It will kill you. Don’t torture yourself like that. If your whole world is falling down, cry, scream, let it out, but try to say well, shit happens. Try to get over it quickly, although that’s not the easiest. But at least try to enjoy the things you would normally enjoy. Be even lovelier than you already are, so you can show them that you’re strong and you won’t let the shit that happens win. It’s such a waste of the beautiful moments if you refuse to enjoy them because you’re sad. Make the best out of your day. In the end you don’t want to look back on a time you were making yourself suffer with bad thoughts and pessimism. Maybe it turns out that the things you thought, were right, maybe everything is gonna go wrong. But spending your time predicting that everything is gonna go wrong, will hurt you. Just accept it, say fuck it and enjoy the moment. Be as happy as you can. 

 Nothing To Lose by Billy Talent

Such a sad but beautiful song.

What’s happened in Norway makes me wanna cry :’( The fear that those kids on that island must have been in.. And so many deaths. And the fact that it’s so hard to prevent these kind of things to happen. It makes me feel unsafe.

It’s like the more I grow up, the sadder I get. I’m definitely not depressed or anything, but it just seems that i’m seeing life more pessimistic. Or am i being realistic? That’s the problem, I don’t know the difference. 
But I love how naive and careless I used to be.
When I read tweets or posts or see messages that I wrote a few years ago, I notice that I was so happy and enthusiast! And now I can only think pessimistic or cynical.
Why do I worry so much? Is this just a part of growing up, becoming more conscious of the world around me? Or am I doing something wrong and putting myself down?
Sometimes I think it’s tumblr that made me think like this. Sounds weird, and maybe I’m just falsely blaming something. But maybe because of reading some posts and things on tumblr, my eyes got opened. There’s such a difference between my first posts, and my recent posts. I wanna go back in time.

So now the ticket service was working again, Jocye and I could finally buy our scream it like you mean it tickets. SOLD FUCKING OUT. OMGGGGG. Can’t believe this shit!!!

I wanted to see we came as romans ):

not cool bro

:”””( It was 10 euro’s! freaking expensive, but I wanted something as a reminder to the concert. The shirts were 30 euro’s and I found that too much, so I bought a bracelet, but now I lost it and mehhh. It had value to me :””( my creys

Today we had a meeting about the trip to Rome at school. So everybody who’s going to Rome was gathered and we got information and stuff. 

We entered the classroom, and there was this girl sitting all by herself with three empty tables around her. And there weren’t any other places free, so I thought oh let’s sit with her. So we sat with her. But yet we didn’t really talk to her. Which makes me feel bad, cause she clearly didn’t know anybody there. Which was kinda weird cause I knew everybody who was there, and there are several groups of friends, but she just doesn’t know anybody.

So the teachers started talking and then gave us an assignment, which we didn’t have to do at that moment. But we had to make pairs OR trio’s . I decided I would work together with a friend. Not a single person asked the girl. I felt so bad for her. And she seemed nice, I could have asked if she would want to join me and my friend. But I didn’t. I kept my mouth shut like everyone else. I’m such a bitch. I regret it so much right now. 

If I were her I would feel so bad and lonely. At the end she raised her hand, and said: ‘I don’t have anyone yet’ and walked to the teachers. And still I couldn’t make myself ask her if she wanted to join us. Okay of course I had to discuss it with my friend, and she wasn’t there at that moment. But now I feel so bad. Okay, I’m not the only one who didn’t ask her, but this is just sad. But you know, it would be kinda hard if we worked together, cause she’s in a total different class and actually I’m used to work with people I know. 

Though it’s kinda weird that there aren’t any people of here class. If I was her I would beg the teachers to put her to Paris or Berlin or where ever her friends are going. How can she survive a week Rome, if she doesn’t have anybody to be friends with. I really feel like I should talk to her or something.

This is going through my mind the whole time…

Is it weird that I’m worrying so much about persons I don’t even know?

Always feel a little sad and empty in the evening when I’m on the computer, next day school. even tumblr can’t cheer me up =( ahh well, maybe I’ve gotta to do something else than being a zombie looking at a computer screen

The Netherlands vs. Spain. Before I was super excited. Every day I was waking up with the thought: ‘Yeahhhh we made it to the finale, we’re gonna do this’

I knew Spain was good, but I really believed that Holland would win.. Almost the whole country believed that. Every shop was preparing for Holland being world champion. Everything went orange, orange madness. People were buying last minute tickets to south Africa, they spent thousands of dollars…  to see Holland lose. Many people didn’t expect that, we were blind by the thought of being world champion.

Especially because we’re a small country made us want to win. The world would finally notice us. The only thing we’re famous for right now is hookers, weed, cheese, geert wilders and joran van der sloot xD 

Me and my friend Joyce went to see the match at a square in our town. ten thousand people showed up, everybody in orange ofcourse. There was this big screen, and some band. The sphere was great!

Everybody sang along with our national anthem, and the song ‘wij houden van oranje’ which means ‘we love orange’ Every single person was cheering when we approached the goal, and also cheering for our keeper Stekelenburg. Wow he did a pretty good job. Shouting ‘Holland’ and clapping our hands felt great with such a big crowd. So despite our lost, it was kinda fun to watch the match.. and it was so thrilling.

But yeah really disappointing we got so many yellow cards, and that we haven’t even scored one goal.. It would be so amazing if we’d scored; the whole crowd would go crazy.

I didn’t cry though after the match xD I and everybody was sad, I had been looking forward to celebrate the win.

I know there are a lot of people that don’t give a fuck about the world cup, and they may think I’m exaggerating and complaining. But this is really how our lost makes me feel, and exposing that is what blogging is for right?

But hey, let’s be optimistic, we will be world champion eventually =)